The Good & The Bad: KISS (Non-Original Lineup Studio Albums)

        A few weeks back I did a run-through of the Kiss studio albums made by the original line-up (for the most part, at least). So I figured that now it made sense to also go over all of the other studio albums that Paul and Gene went on to make without Ace and Peter (again, for the most part). And just as a reminder; this review series does not involve any form of ranking, rating, etc. I just simply state the things I like and dislike regarding each entry.

So, without further ado, let’s just jump right in:

1.Music from “The Elder” (1981)

THE GOOD: So when I first listened to this album, I made the mistake of listening to the original track order that was mandated by the record label, against the band’s wishes, and didn’t like it at all. The reason that was a mistake on my part is because this is supposed to be a concept album, where the songs need to be heard in a specific sequence in order for the overall narrative to make sense. Thankfully, the band was able to eventually do a reissue of the album, with the correct order restored. I listened to that version shortly after, and instantly went from hating it to liking it. Is it as stellar as concept records made by the likes of Pink Floyd, Genesis, or The Who? No, of course not! But for those new to the whole concept album listening experience that may be looking for something a little “simpler” to digest, this is a solid starting point.

THE BAD: While I like the record overall, there are still a solid handful of clunker tunes on here that drag it down a bit, sadly. Paul’s “broadway” falsetto voice on tracks like Just A Boy still doesn’t really work for me. Odyssey goes on for way too long. And while I don’t mind the opening instrumental Fanfare (it “sets the tone”), I can see it giving most listeners a pretty bad first impression, and sometimes, first impressions really are everything…

2.Creatures of the Night (1982)

THE GOOD: Whoa! Holy crap… Now we’re talking! After the band’s last few records were poorly received (despite being looked back on as cult classics now), they decided to return to their hard rock roots here, and the result is fantastic! Also, as diehard fans know, while Ace appears on the cover art, he actually doesn’t play on this album at all, as he had already decided to quit after The Elder. Therefore, Paul and Gene decided to use this record as an opportunity to secretly “audition” various potential replacements. All of the uncredited guitarists who play on here were definitely determined to bring their A-game to the table, and it shows! All of the guitar work on this album is absolutely top-notch!

THE BAD: The song Saint & Sinner took some getting used to at first (I like it now, though!). Also, the track Keep Me Comin’ sounds a bit like a Led Zeppelin ripoff, but a good Led Zeppelin ripoff, at the very least!

3.Lick It Up (1983)

THE GOOD: While Creatures received critical acclaim upon release, it still sold poorly, so the band wiped the makeup away to regain some public attention (shock value sells, after all) and made what could basically be seen as “Creatures 2.” Though not quite as strong as its predecessor, this is still a very solid release! And the guitar work is just as great as last time, Sadly, this is the only record to feature axeman Vinnie Vincent as a full member (which makes sense, since he's a raging asshole), but even though he was only in the band briefly, at least he made his time count.

THE BAD: The last three songs are all crap, and basically ruin what would otherwise be a perfect album, in my opinion. Funny enough, all three of those tracks happen to be written and sung by Gene, so it doesn’t surprise me that they suck, since this was around the start of when Gene prioritized his acting career over his music. As you could probably guess, the whole acting thing didn’t really work out for him, and by the time the 1990’s came around, he was back to focusing mostly on music (along with other business ventures, of course). Shame it took him that long to snap out of it… Another factor to take into account is the fact that, much like how Dynasty represented a shift towards appealing mainly to kids, this record represented a shift towards appealing more so than ever towards teens and adults, which only served to make things even more confusing than they already were!

4.Animalize (1984)

THE GOOD: The first two tracks, I’ve Had Enough (Into The Fire) and Heaven’s On Fire, serve as a solid start, and the rest of the songs all grew on me a bit over time too (expect While The City Sleeps, that shit still sucks).

THE BAD: While I no longer hate this record as much as I used to, it still feels a bit “flawed” to me. Why didn’t it work? I think part of it has to do with the fact that this was technically Paul’s first time producing on his own, and he clearly still had a lot to learn in that regard (the whole album sounds like shit, from a production perspective). Also, one-time guitarist Mark St. John (RIP), despite being talented, just didn’t fit with the band, I’m sorry to say. I’m not surprised that this ended up being his only outing with them…

5.Asylum (1985)

THE GOOD: After stumbling on Animalize, the band got back on track with this album. Paul improved a ton as a producer! Guitarist Bruce Kulick made his “official” debut here, and made sure to deliver the goods! The singles Who Wants To Be Lonely and especially Tears Are Falling are some of my favorite songs in the band’s entire catalog (terrible music videos, though, since the band outfits were atrocious during this era!). And there are plenty of other underrated tracks on here, most notably I’m Alive (seriously, why isn’t that one talked about more?!).

THE BAD: There are three tracks on here I don’t like. Two of them are Love Is A Deadly Weapon and Secretly Cruel, both of which are sung by Gene who, once again, was still phoning it in a bit at this point. The other track I dislike on here is Radar For Love which, like Keep Me Comin’ from Creatures, sounds like a Zeppelin ripoff, only this time, not a good one. Some of the other Gene songs like Any Way You Slice It and Trial By Fire aren’t necessarily bad, but still far from his best. Also, Uh! All Night is catchy, but a little too cheesy.

6.Crazy Nights (1987)

THE GOOD: So I actually avoided listening to this one for a long time cause I saw that it was ranked either dead-last or second-to-last on most people’s rankings, and I also heard it described as “Kiss Jovi” (and I’m not really a Bon Jovi person). I finally listened to it recently and while I understand why most people rank it so low, at the end of the day, I’d still much rather hear Gene and Paul sing than Jon Bon Jovi…

THE BAD: Aside from a few of the Gene songs (Hell Or High Water and Thief In The Night in particular), the rest of this record sounds very dated. Which is surprising, since Gene was apparently still focusing mainly on his movie career, at this point. I think on stuff like The Elder and Carnival of Souls, he was the one concerned with chasing trends, whereas on this record, it was Paul. Also, a bunch of label executives apparently gave this album a standing ovation when they first heard it. I guess I can see why it would’ve sounded cool way back in 1987, but it certainly hasn’t aged well…

7.Hot in the Shade (1989)

THE GOOD: This album, the last to fully feature drummer Eric Carr (RIP), is certainly a standout in the band’s catalog, with one of the biggest reasons being that it’s basically just a bunch of demo recordings with some “polish” on them. Most people would see this as a bad thing, but I actually kinda like it! The lo-fi quality helps the record to feel much more unique, when standing next to the rest of the band’s discography. This album also marks a nice return-to-form after Crazy Nights and those two god-awful bonus songs they did for that compilation in 1988!

THE BAD: At fifteen tracks in total, this record is certainly long in the tooth. Almost half of these songs would’ve fit better as b-sides, rather than album tracks proper, and Read My Body (a shameless ripoff of Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me) should've been deleted from existence altogether…

8.Revenge (1992)

THE GOOD: Damn! With Bob Ezrin returning to the producer chair, and Vinnie Vincent briefly back (as an outside songwriter), the band were able to recapture their “hard rock roots,” just like they did a decade earlier with Creatures (too bad neither record sold well, though). And once again, the result is fantastic! I love this album! It’s still not quite as strong as most of the makeup-era records, of course, but it comes pretty damn close, as far as I’m concerned! A nice return to form.

THE BAD: Parts of the song Spit sound like a ripoff of Led Zeppelin’s Whole Lotta Love, but that song was also a ripoff, so who cares? The only tracks I really dislike on here are Heart Of Chrome (who thought singing two different choruses at the same time was a good idea?) and Every Time I Look At You (most generic ballad ever). 

9.Carnival of Souls (1997)

THE GOOD: Recorded in early 1996, but shelved for a bit to avoid conflict with the original lineup reunion at that time, this is Kiss’s “grunge” album (they were still chasing trends, at this point). They even went as far as to recruit Toby Wright, producer of Alice in Chains’ seminal Dirt, which is funny since AiC have cited Kiss as an influence, in more ways than one. Most people see this record as a step too far, but I actually like it! Is it because I grew up on grunge? Probably, but at the end of the day, all I really care about is whether I like something or not. I try not to concern myself too much with the politics behind something…

THE BAD: Rain is a ripoff of AiC’s Rain When I Die, but once again, in this case, I don’t really care. There are only three tracks on here I truly dislike. Two of them are Childhood’s End and Seduction Of The Innocent (both sound really “desperate” to me). The other one is the closing track, I Walk Alone, which guitarist Bruce Kulick sings, and quite frankly, his voice sounds terrible. To be fair, I’ve never heard him sing anything else, so maybe his voice has improved since this recording…

10.Sonic Boom (2009)

THE GOOD: These last couple of records are gonna be hard for me to talk about cause they were made by “Poser Kiss.” For context, when the original lineup reunited in 1996, they also put the makeup back on. Eventually, Ace and Peter were replaced again by other people; the band’s tour manager Tommy Thayer and a returning Eric Singer, respectively. Only this time, Paul and Gene had the two of them maintain the makeup and costume designs that Ace and Peter once wore. I can only speak for myself, but I have very mixed feelings about this, but it would be too much to go through here, so I’ll save that for another day… As far as this album itself goes; I enjoy about half of the songs (mainly on the second side). I surprisingly like All For The Glory, which Eric sings. He did a good job capturing the “spirit” of Peter there, in my opinion.

THE BAD: Aside from Modern Day Delilah and Hot & Cold, all of the songs on the first side of this record sound like total trash. There’s also a song on the second side I dislike, and that’s When Lightning Strikes, which Tommy sings. Unlike Eric, I think he failed to capture the spirit of Ace (at least on this album in particular, he failed)…

11.Monster (2012)

THE GOOD: Wow… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the “posers” actually made a decent album here. Guess they needed to make a “practice record” in the form of Sonic Boom before finding their own chemistry as a band for this one. Even Tommy finally figured out how to properly capture Ace’s character on the track Outta This World, while Eric continued to channel Peter’s character on For The Love Of Rock & Roll. On top of that, Paul and Gene sound full of energy here! Even the bonus track Right Here, Right Now kicks ass! This ended up being the last studio album before the band announced their farewell tour (I’m pretty sure they mean it for real this time). Not a bad way to end things, I’d say…

THE BAD: Back To The Stone Age is a ripoff of MC5’s Kick Out The Jams, but once again, I don’t really mind. The only track I legit don’t like is The Devil Is Me. It’s not bad, necessarily, just kinda boring, is all… Also, I enjoy Wall Of Sound, for the most part, but I also feel like something is missing on that track, in particular…

So there you have it! Overall, I like all of these other versions of Kiss too. While I complained last time about Kiss “chasing trends,” in a way, I’m kinda glad they did so, particularly on these records. It allowed each release to “stand out,” while also showing the band’s persistence to grow and evolve. I respect them for that. It’s sad that none of the lineups ever got more recognition for their actual talent…

It was also while listening to these specific records, however, when I started to notice just how repetitive Kiss can be sometimes. The older records had this sense of repetition as well, but at least Ace and Peter were also there to “balance it out.” Eric Carr was a good vocalist too. I kinda wish they would’ve had him sing more, back in the day. Maybe that would’ve helped. Oh well. Too late now. I guess if there’s something Poser Kiss did right, it was having the posers actually sing at least one song per record…

At some point in the future, I’ll talk about the 1978 solo albums and maybe also the live albums. But for now, just like with Star Wars, I kinda need a break from Kiss too…

Peace!

The Real Reason You Don't Like Star Wars Anymore - Part 4

For better context on the following post, please see Part 3.

For those who are new here (Hello!), I spent the last few days writing thousands of words explaining why I feel that Star Wars got on the wrong track starting with The Empire Strikes Back (and not Return of the Jedi, or any movie after). You don’t have to read all of it, though I recommend at least just reading my last post (Part 3) as that’s where the real “meat” of this whole discussion is.

And as promised in my last post, I’m going to try to wrap up all of my thoughts here in this piece. I have a lot to say still, so I’m going to try to go through everything rather quickly. So let’s not waste any more time and just get right into it:

George Lucas Rewrites History

It’s true. You don’t need to look any further than this write-up to see just how much this guy changes his mind, but then acts like he doesn’t. That’s why it annoys me when prequel-era fans say that the sequel trilogy betrays “the six-part George Lucas saga.” What saga? The one he came up with after the original movie was already out there? Besides, he was the one who decided in the early 2010’s that he suddenly wanted a sequel trilogy to exist now, even going as far as to write outlines for Disney to use as a starting point. And despite what he says, newly-released evidence shows that they still used a good portion of his ideas, including the ones that Lucas’s so-called “fans” seem to hate the most. You hate what they did with Luke? Thank Lucas. You hate that Han & Leia’s son turned evil and then Han died? Once again, thank Lucas. You hate that the Sith were brought back and Anakin’s title of “the chosen one” was switched over to someone else? One more time; thank Lucas.

Then there’s the issue of “who’s this really about?” When ’77 came out, all of the expanded material was given the tagline The Adventures of Luke Skywalker. As a matter of fact, some items even had just this subtitle and didn’t even say Star Wars anywhere! This lasted at least until 1980, where even a random Han prequel book had that tagline (Again, all of this can be seen in the link above). What that tells me is that Luke was definitely seen initially as the “Flash Gordon” of this franchise. Then the prequels come along, and suddenly Lucas expects us to believe that it’s actually always been about Vader all along. Now he’s recently been saying that Leia has actually always been the main character. Why? I don’t know…

As a matter of fact, Lucas is so obsessed with rewriting his own history and backpedaling on shit he says that he even went as far as to making sure a book from 2000 that compiled old quotes of his changed one such quote from 1977 to include the word “midichlorians,” to make it look like he had that shit planned out all along. Seriously, go click on the link above and then scroll down. It’s there!

And look, I don’t mean to be too hard on the guy. A lot of the things he says, he probably can’t even help himself from saying them, sadly. Also, I know he’s been through a lot, and he did have to fight against all odds to get Star Wars out there. He does have genuine creativity in his DNA, and I thank him for his contributions to the advancement in filmmaking tech, among other things. Also, I’m not saying Disney is any better. They have problems of their own too. At the end of the day, none of these people are perfect. They’re just people, and we shouldn’t be treating them like dirt, or putting them on a pedestal either.

I will say one more thing regarding Lucas’s tendency to retcon things, though: When you watch Star Wars ’77 on it’s own, and forget everything that has come from it since, doesn’t it feel like Luke’s infatuation for Leia’s hologram is, like, one of the main driving forces of that movie? Now factor in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Doesn’t it feel weird now for the movies to suddenly deem them siblings? Just saying…

Fan Entitlement (Oh God, Make It Stop!)

People blindly love and/or hate everything now, and that applies to everyone. People who grew up with the originals think those three movies are utter perfection. People who grew up in between the originals and the prequels think the Thrawn books are the best pieces of literature ever written and that all those 90’s Star Wars games should be held to higher esteem. People who grew up with the prequels think Revenge of the Sith is “Shakespearean.” People who grew up in between the prequels and the sequels think Ahsoka from the Clone Wars show is the best character ever created. And believe it or not, I’m even starting to see high schoolers on places like reddit and discord now who are saying that The Last Jedi is a misunderstood masterpiece, and that Rian Johnson is basically “cinema Jesus.”

And you know what? None of them are right. To put it simply, you like what you grew up with, and that’s that! Don’t believe me? When The Phantom Menace was coming out, news reporters showed how theater lines were filled with a bunch of people in their twenties (meaning they were all little kids when the original trilogy was made) and those same reporters also went to go interview older people who weren’t on line, and they were all making fun of Star Wars, particularly classic characters like R2 and Yoda (oh, the horror!). When Empire first came out, it got mixed (at best) reviews from prestigious places like The New York Times and even Empire Magazine (oh, the irony!). When Return came out, one critic went as far as to calling it “a silly Walt Disney cartoon” (oh, the irony again!). Perhaps my favorite example: My dad saw ’77 when he was a kid, back when it was new, and loved it (still does to this day). For some reason, he never got a chance to see Empire or Return until he was an adult, and by the time he did finally see them, he basically said “fuck these.” Funny, eh?

From what I can tell, the prequel generation of fans seem to be more “hostile,” while the original generation of fans seem to be more “entitled.” One fan from the original generation that I know hated The Last Jedi so much that when we were talking about it his face turned red and he practically started crying. Every time I tried to bring up a point, he’d cut me off and say “No! I grew up with the original Star Wars! I know Star Wars!” So I guess he knows more than me and his opinion is more valid than mine just cause he’s older? Sure, okay… Another fan from the original generation that I know was listening to me point out flaws from the original trilogy and his response was “the original trilogy works because it works.”… Uh… What?! Sorry, but just saying something “works because it works” is an empty argument. Come on, man! Give me more than that!!

Now, I’ll say this much for the original trilogy: Someone else I know once pointed out that those first three films “have better characters,” and to a certain extent, I actually agree, but I also think that has to do with the fact that there weren’t multiple generations of characters to keep track of at the time, so the characters that were there had more room to breathe. Also, the actors had better chemistry back then, and sometimes chemistry like that is really just a “lightning in a bottle” sorta thing that just happened to work out for that trilogy. Furthermore, I no longer believe in the idea of characters being “the most important thing” for a story. If that were the case, shouldn’t we hate Kubrick movies like 2001 or The Shining? Those have very little character development, and yet they’re classics…

Trilogies Are Overrated Anyways (And So Is Joseph Campbell)

The other day I was watching a clip of Joe Rogan’s podcast episode that had Kanye West featured as his guest for the day. For some reason, Rogan brought up Star Wars and said something to the effect of “the original trilogy works because it’s a hero’s journey, whereas the Disney trilogy is just a formula.”

…I’m sorry, but what?! First of all, just because something closely resemble’s the “hero’s journey” findings from Joseph Campbell doesn’t automatically make it good. That Transformers movie from 2007 follows the hero’s journey just as closely, and that shit sucks! Second of all, the “hero’s journey” is a very loose concept that can be bent and shaped and molded to fit pretty much anything. Rey had just as much of a hero’s journey as Luke did, and the Mary Sue thing has nothing to do with it. If the sequel trilogy was an anime and it’s own IP, none of you would be complaining about that…

Also, Joe, if the Disney trilogy is so “formulaic,” as you say, then how does that explain all the criticisms The Last Jedi got for being too “experimental,” and too different from what everyone was expecting? Wasn’t the bad thing supposed to be that the new trilogy didn’t follow a plan?! At this point, people don’t even know why they’re complaining. They just wanna complain (side note: I haven’t seen enough of Rogan to have an opinion on him, just going off this one clip).

A lot of people also associate Campbell’s findings with the idea that stories work best in three acts (setup, conflict, resolution)… Sorry, but we really need to get out of that mindset now. It’s outdated, and it does more harm than good for storytelling expansion, at this point. No, the second installment in a series doesn’t need to be “the dark one, maaaan!” As a matter of fact, most sequels that try that fall flat on their ass anyways (Dead Man’s Chest, Into Darkness, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Age of Ultron, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, etc.).

What Could Have Been…

So I bet you’re asking yourself right now, “So if you didn’t want anything from Empire onwards to have ever happened, then what did you want to happen, man?!”

The answer is kinda hard to describe, so I’ll try to use an example: You know Lost in Space? That show that ran a few seasons in the late 1960’s and then was rebooted as a movie in 1998 and then rebooted again as another show in 2018? Yeah, that’s more or less what I would’ve liked to have seen happen to Star Wars…

Had we gotten Splinter of the Mind’s Eye (hopefully with revisions) as the movie sequel to Star Wars ’77 instead (see Part 2 for context on that), then I imagine we would’ve gotten a few more movies like that with Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher still around, and then everyone would’ve gotten bored and the franchise would’ve dissolved. Then in the late 1990’s there would’ve been a reboot (and I mean a hard reboot!) that would’ve introduced new, younger actors playing Luke and Leia. That would’ve lasted for a bit and then the franchise would’ve dissolved yet again. Then in the late 2010’s yet another reboot would’ve come around, probably with Sebastian Stan playing Luke this time…

Why would I have preferred people getting bored and hard reboots for each new generation cycle? So that everyone would’ve stopped caring so damn much, that’s why! A hard reboot for each new generation of fans would’ve helped each prior generation to realize “Oh, this isn’t made for me anymore. This is made for new kids now.” Sure, the fandom wouldn’t have been as “big and strong” this way, but considering that this fandom has gone as far as to pressure the film actors towards near suicide, would a decrease in all-around passion and care really have been a bad thing, in hindsight?

Another issue that frequent hard-rebooting solves is the damn continuity thing! It was annoying how the old expanded universe material pre-Disney tried to throw bandaids everywhere to maintain continuity across all the different storytelling mediums (books, comics, etc.). And just to make matters worse, all of the expanded material since the Disney sale has been making the same damn mistake yet again! Star Wars probably should’ve never tried to keep the same continuity across all the different story platforms, but if it absolutely has to, then a good hard reboot every twenty years or so definitely helps there…

But more importantly than that, had Star Wars evolved this way instead, the themes and tones would’ve always remained much more consistent. No family drama. No elitism. No “darkness just for the sake of being dark.” None of that crap! But alas, the opportunity to do this passed long ago. We can't keep rebooting Luke. Now we need to move on from him. So in our reality, and ideal Star Wars film would be one that shows us that not everyone has to be related, anyone can be a hero, killing a demon on a throne isn’t always gonna be the answer, and that we must move on from Luke, while still honoring the fact that this all started with him…

Funny enough, there was a recent Star Wars movie that did exactly that, and it’s the one that everybody hates; The Last Jedi.

A “What-If” Glimpse: The Last Jedi (Not Perfect, Not Terrible)

Now, before I go any further, let me make something clear; No, I’m not saying that I love The Last Jedi and hate The Empire Strikes Back, nor am I saying that that’s how you should feel either. Just like everyone else, I have my problems with The Last Jedi too. As I said last time, the tonal fluctuations are almost just as bad as they were in the prequels. Furthermore, the dialogue, while memorable, often sounds outright pretentious and, quite frankly, very un-Star Warsy. Finn & Rose’s subplot feels very half baked. Poe went from being “noble” (and being seen that way by those around him) in The Force Awakens to being “reckless” (and again, being seen that way by those around him) in this film. Hux feels like a completely different character now… I can go on. And all of this is made even more annoying by the fact that this film is supposed to be taking place just seconds after the ending of Awakens!

So what does this movie do right, then? Let me put it this way: Someone I know once criticized this movie for “not moving the plot forward at all.” And while I somewhat agree, I’d like to counter that point with this one: What the story lacks in “forward momentum,” it makes up for with “expansion,” which is something most of the other Star Wars films lack. What do I mean by expansion, exactly? Well, I mentioned earlier how it’s this very movie that makes the points that “not everyone has to be related, anyone can be a hero, and killing a demon on a throne isn’t always gonna be the answer.” Whether or not any of this was intentional, I don’t know. Also, pretty much all of these points ended up being ruined when The Rise of Skywalker came along and said “actually, everybody is related to everybody, not just anyone can be a hero, and killing a demon on a throne is gonna solve all of our problems (again).” For the record, I don’t fully hate Skywalker either. I just like/dislike it for different reasons…

Whether or not Jedi actually meant to make any of those points doesn’t matter. All that’s important is that it created that conversation. It also “expanded” things in other ways. As pointless as the Canto Bight sequence may seem on the surface (and as I said earlier, it has it’s problems) it did at least make an attempt at deepening and enriching the world, which is something that Awakens definitely dropped the ball on, as far as I’m concerned. More importantly, though, Jedi showed how it’s important to “move on” from Luke, while still acknowledging that he was the “Flash Gordon” at the start of this all. No scene does this better than the infamous “Broom Boy” bit at the end. Not since the legendary “Binary Sunset” sequence in ’77 was I left with the feeling of Star Wars being something timeless, and something that could go literally anywhere. When young Luke looks off towards those twin suns, you’re being told that he’s a small, yet important part in a universe of endless possibilities. When Broom Boy looks up at the stars, you’re being told that again…

So if Jedi technically did all the right things, in a meta-narrative sense, then why did everyone still get so pissed off when they saw it? To put it simply: It was too late (and also maybe too long). By this point, for better or worse, the “Skywalker trilogy of trilogies” train was already going a thousand miles an hour. It’s kinda too late to suddenly turn the locomotive at a ninety-degree-angle now… 

On the other hand, had they just done what was “expected” of the middle film of this new trilogy, then that would’ve just left the trilogy as a whole feeling even more like the original three films, and would’ve also made everything after the Skywalker saga feel even more like an afterthought. It was important for this trilogy to “experiment” at some point or another, and since the first film has to set things up and the last film has to wind things down, the middle film just makes the most sense for experimentation… Besides, what were they supposed to do after Awakens and all of it’s bullshit “mysteries” anyways? I’ll talk more about that, as well as the politics of this new trilogy (which really started with Awakens anyways) another day…

Should Any Of This Have Ever Happened?

I know a couple of people that have gotten so sick of all the bullshit with Star Wars that they’re honestly at a point where they kinda just wish none of it ever existed at all. I don’t blame them, and if you also feel that same way, then I don’t blame you either. That being said: Do I feel the same way?… No, actually. At the end of the day, I still feel that ’77 made enough of a positive impact on the world that it’s existence is warranted. Did some bad come with it too? Sure. For every group of happy people at Star Wars Celebration, for instance, there’s the occasional twit who has sent hurtful messages to some of the actors at one point or another. But at the end of the day, I still feel the movie brought about more good than bad.

Furthermore, ’77 just has too much heart in it to not deserve it’s own existence. In addition to the importance of the binary sunset moment, which I discussed earlier, the movie has another gem in the form of the setup/payoff revolving around Han. One of my favorite moments is when Han asks Luke to come with him and Chewy, to become a fellow pirate alongside the two of them. Luke refuses, and calls out Han for not sticking with the alliance. Then later on, right as the film reaches the climax, Han comes back after realizing that Luke was right. It’s moments like these that show the importance of friendship which, as I’ve been saying throughout these four posts, is what I feel to be the true “beating heart” of the franchise.

In The End, They’re Just Movies (And Nobody’s Right Or Wrong)

Even though I kinda already said this in Part 1, I feel the need to repeat it again here at the end, just so that it’s clear that I’m really not trying to tell anyone how to think. These are all just my opinions on things. Nothing more or less…

Besides, Maybe Everything Happens For A Reason (Cliche, But True)

In a way, it is kinda eerily poetic that the final film of the Skywalker “trilogy of trilogies” happened to have it’s full theatrical run right before the pandemic came along and destroyed the movie theater industry as we know it. It’s things like that which make me think that, maybe, this was just the way it was always meant to be, for better or worse…

What The Future Still Holds

In about a decade from now, when all the current children of the world are adults and the world itself is back to normal (whatever “normal” will be by then), I wouldn’t be surprised if we start to hear rumblings about some kinda “Episode X” (it’ll probably be branded differently by then), where yet another reincarnation variant of Palpatine shows up to wreak havoc once again (the official novelization of The Rise of Skywalker already hinted at this, actually). Not saying I’ll be mad if this happens, just saying that it very likely could, and if it does, we’ll probably be back to the same bitching and moaning we’ve been seeing every time “mainline” Star Wars comes back.

…Or maybe this time things will actually be different. Maybe now, Disney will know never to touch the Skywalker Saga crap ever again, and will actually commit to the idea of Star Wars being a frequently ever-expansive thing. The animated shows, particularly The Clone Wars and Rebels, already gave us a taste of what this could be like, and The Mandalorian has taken it to a whole other level now, and I love that show just as much as everyone else does (EDIT: Not anymore). Some of the future streaming projects also seem interesting, though I’ll reserve judgement one way or the other until I can actually see them.

What Will I Do Now?

At some point, I’ll revisit the topic of Star Wars as part of my The Good & The Bad series on this blog. I want to make it more clear that I don’t love or hate any of the films. Like I said at the very start of this, there are things I like and dislike in each of them. I probably won’t be doing those posts any time soon, though, since (as you could probably guess) I kinda need a break from Star Wars right now…

Thank you for putting up with me and my crap for these last four posts!

Peace!

PS: The fact that Vader/Vater means “father” in Dutch/German is just a coincidence. Lucas came up with the name by simply just shortening “invader” to “vader,” much like how he would later shorten “insidious” to “sidious.”

UPDATE: Revisiting this topic in 2022

The Real Reason You Don't Like Star Wars Anymore - Part 3

For better context on the following post, please see Part 2.

So last time, we talked about how Star Wars ’77 (yeah, I’m still calling it that) and the small amount of expanded material that initially resulted from it stuck pretty closely to the franchise’s primary inspiration of ongoing serialized space adventures with lots of focus on friendship and fun (and very little on family or darkness). ’77 and it’s book, comic and animated counterparts from the late 1970’s also made sure to keep the “force” conflict fairly separate from the “politics and war” conflict, allowing for the world to feel a little more spaced out, and therefore breathe a little better…

And then The Empire Strikes Back came out in 1980, and for better and for worse, nothing was ever the same again… To put it simply, the mainline Star Wars movies have felt like “oil and water” ever since Empire (yes, including Return of the Jedi). Suddenly, our “light-heard space opera” was now also a “dark family soap opera.” Luke no longer felt like one of many. Remember how I said last time that, for all we knew in 1977, he coulda been one of many Jedi orphans whose parents were killed by Vader? Now he’s only special because he just so happens to be Vader’s kid. Everything suddenly became too personal to be relatable in the same way that ’77 was. And just as another reminder, no, Lucas did not have this all planned out from the start like he claims to have (don’t worry, we’ll get there still).

Empire didn’t just distort things thematically, with too much emphasis on family and all. It also distorted things in a tonal sense as well. Lucas likes to say that all of Star Wars is for children, right? If that’s the case, can you think of a single moment in Empire that feels like it’s “for children?” Perhaps a few, yes, but not many. Empire wanted to “grow with its audience.” Thing is, once you do that, there’s no going back to the “for children” thing. Now you’ve crossed the line. If Lucas always wanted Star Wars to remain a kid’s thing, he should’ve never allowed a movie like Empire to happen. Or, if he did want Empire to happen, he should’ve stuck to it’s “grow with your audience” mindset for the movies to follow. Instead, he tried to do both, and you can’t do both! It. Just. Doesn’t. Work!

Haven’t you ever noticed how all of the movies since Empire feel like they’re trying to be two things at once? That’s because they are. That’s what I meant by the whole “oil and water” thing. Think about it! Return has us cutting back and forth between the throne room duel (which feels like a natural progression of Empire), and fucking Ewoks. The Phantom Menace has trade politics that are too complex for even an adult to understand, and fucking Jar Jar Binks. Attack of the Clones has Anakin slaughtering an entire village of “women and children” (talking about it with pride), and fucking C-3PO being dragged around the droid factory like he’s some kinda cartoon (because he literally is a cartoon there!). Revenge of the Sith has Anakin literally being burned alive in front of our very eyes (seriously, did that really need to be on screen?), and fucking R2-D2 making droids slip on oil like they’re The Three Stooges.

The Force Awakens and The Rise of Skywalker don’t actually have these tonal inconsistencies, but they have problems of their own (don’t worry, I’ll get to JJ too). The Last Jedi, on the other hand, goes from a prank call to a yo mama joke to BB-8 doing some Looney Tunes thing to fix his ship. Which would normally all be fine, but then in the same movie, we see Luke literally trying to kill a kid in his sleep before he’s even evil. And look, I don’t actually have any issues with that whole subplot, like most people do, I’m just using it as yet another example to point out all of the tonal issues that run so deep in this IP. And, as I explained in my last post, ’77 didn’t have these issues. Furthermore, while I understand that tone doesn’t always have to be the same throughout a movie, can you seriously think of any other film with tonal fluctuations this jarring?!

And I’m not the only one who’s been saying this! In the last year or so, I’ve come across blog after blog and video (3:15) after video (parody but valid) showing that I’m not the only one who’s starting to see things this way. Hell, I even met a fellow reddit user who shares these thoughts as well, even going as far as to rank Empire as his least favorite in the entire series (I wouldn’t go that far, but to each their own).

Now, there was a time when Star Wars almost went the route of “keep growing with the audience.” The early script draft of Return, which was called Revenge of the Jedi, was very much in line with the “feel” of Empire, and ended on a cliffhanger that would’ve led to immediate sequels that would’ve shown Luke continuing to grow gradually as he faced darker and more daring challenges. This would’ve worked for a while, yes, but it would’ve still eventually hit a brutal dead end. See, had Star Wars gone this route, it would’ve experienced what I like to call “the Harry Potter problem.” 

What’s that, you may ask? Well, back in the 1990s, JK Rowling had the idea of creating a middle-grade book series that turns into a young adult book series. Basically, as the characters get older, the situations they find themselves in become “darker” and/or “more adult.” The problem with this is that it only works for one audience, and that’s the generation that actually grew up with it. Have you ever noticed that millennials seem to be the only ones who look back fondly on the Potter books and films? People older than them never cared, and present-day kids don’t really seem to be latching onto it either. If a ten-year-old kid picked up those books or films today, they probably wouldn’t be able to relate to it much past the fourth installment. Conversely, if a fifteen-year-old were to pick the books or films up today, they’d probably be too bored by the first couple to even get any further than that.

Those current Fantastic Beasts films are trying to appeal to adults, since that’s how old the Potter generation is now, but I’m pretty sure the characters in those films still say spells with childish names like “wizzidy dizzily,” or whatever the fuck the spells are called. In short; the world of Harry Potter just wasn’t built for “adult stuff.” It’s missing the right “DNA” for that sorta thing, and Star Wars has a similar problem. If Revenge of the Jedi and the planned sequels to it had happened, this is the sorta conversation we’d be having about it.

So if the way things actually played out doesn’t work and the old Revenge of the Jedi plan doesn’t work either, then what does work? The answer is simple: Maybe, Empire should’ve never existed, and Star Wars as a franchise should’ve remained light-hearted, childish, fun and episodic (as in each installment is just kinda it’s own thing), with little-to-no emphasis on crap like family, darkness, etc.

Still not convinced? Here’s something else: We are shown in Empire that the Emperor just so happens to also be a force-user himself, and also the one who swayed Vader over to the dark side in the first place! You may think this isn’t a problem, but it is. ’77 felt like it was just a small part in the middle of a massive serial that could stretch as far back as the beginning of time and as far forward as the end of time (or at least as long as Luke’s lifespan, if you wanna look at it that way too). But now, we’re told that all the heroes need to do to resolve the force conflict and the political/war conflict all at once is to simply kill this one person. Suddenly, the story becomes finite. There’s an endgame at play. Why’s this a problem? Because, for better or worse, Star Wars was never destined to have any kinda “real ending” like that. The moment ’77 hit theaters and became a cultural juggernaut overnight, any chance of a definitive “ending” of any kind went out the window. People were always going to want more of some kind, or at least back then they did (I’m not so sure about now).

Star Wars is currently thriving in the TV format, which makes total sense, since the franchise itself was originally inspired by old film serials, which have more in common with modern-day TV than they do with modern-day movies. On the actual movie side of things, however, all of the recently-announced post-Skywalker Saga films feel pointless, or at least they do to general audiences. While the pandemic might change everyone’s future feelings on Star Wars, and movies in general, I still can’t help but feel like there’s at least some truth to this. When Skywalker was coming out, many “casual” movie-goers asked me “So this is the last Star Wars movie, right?” And when I explained to them that there would be more “spinoff films,” they all rolled their eyes in annoyance…

This whole Skywalker Saga “trilogy of trilogies” crap has made any future films feel like nothing more than an afterthought now. This could’ve all been avoided if Star Wars was just Star Wars, and if that whole Skywalker trilogy of trilogies idea was never a thing. And what movie started that? Empire! Again, I know Lucas says otherwise, but all of the documents that have leaked over the years show that this wasn’t the plan until the very moment he and his pals came up with “I am your father.” Starting to see the problems, now? 

Yes, I know Lucas had some kinda “rough plan” when filming ’77 (he called it “episode six” on set), but supposedly that plan involved the prequels stretching as far as back as the origins of the Jedi itself. The idea of the Skywalker family dynasty being the throughline didn’t come until Empire. And yes, it’s true that crap like the “chosen one prophecy” from the prequels and Rey being a Palpatine in Skywalker and whatnot has all only served to make matters worse. But nevertheless, it all started with Empire. 

Two more things Empire ruined were lightsaber fights and the Force… Yes, I’m serious. As far as ’77 was concerned, the Force was only a mental thing (mind tricks, talking to the dead, etc.). Yes, Vader choked a guy, but for all we know, he did something to that guy’s brain that made him forget how to breathe, and the guy was just reaching for his neck cause he couldn’t understand what was happening. Then Empire comes along and suddenly the Force becomes a superpower that allows Jedi to manipulate the physical world too (Splinter also had this issue, to be fair, as does the original Star Wars comic adaptation). And the powers have only been getting even more ridiculous with each film since! Same can be said for the saber fights. The duel in ’77 was simple. Then Empire comes along and shows our heroes and villains flipping around. In that movie in particular it wasn’t too bad (it’s actually still my favorite saber duel of the whole franchise), but it set a bad standard that has only been getting worse ever since. Awakens actually tried to bring some “charming simplicity” back to the saber fights, but then Jedi and Skywalker brought them back to near prequel-levels of ridiculousness.

So I bet right now you’re saying to yourself “Yeah, man. But, like, who cares how Empire impacted the later films? It’s still good on it’s own, you know!” No, it’s not actually. For starters, AT-AT’s make no logical sense. I know Rebels and other expanded material explained later on that only things that physically walk can penetrate invisible shields, or whatever, but as far as I recall, Empire itself never explains that, so the point still stands. Furthermore, Han has, like, zero character arc in Empire. As a matter of fact, his character arc regresses. He starts off the movie having already forgotten the lessons of friendship he learned in ’77, acts like a jerk for the rest of the movie, and then gets frozen for reasons beyond his own control. Hell, he doesn’t even have the audacity to tell Leia he loves her back (I know people love the “I know” line, but let’s face it, a cliche but simple “I love you too” would’ve at least shown some character development). I know he tells Chewy to “protect the princess,” but at that point, he was under the impression that they were both gonna be imprisoned for life on Cloud City. So like, yeah, no shit he’s gonna ask Chewy to protect her there…

Then in the next movie, after Han gets unfrozen, his buddies blow up the entire crime syndicate that was forcing him to have to choose between his old life and his new one. He doesn’t even get the privilege to make that choice on his own anymore. Instead, the choice is made for him, and then he and Leia proceed to do pretty much nothing for the rest of Return… Come to think of it, they didn’t really do anything of much significance in Empire, either. And funny enough, Finn and Poe don’t really get much to do in the second and third installments of their trilogy as well (funny how history repeats itself). In any case, as much as people like Han (myself included), if they weren’t going to really do anything new with him, then maybe they should’ve written him out (like Splinter did).

On the subject of Leia, her character arc is botched in Empire too. She kisses Luke just to make Han jealous (so much for her being the “professional” one), then proceeds to fall for Han anyway, even though he’s an even bigger douche now than he was in the last movie. The only reason their romance works is cause of the real-life chemistry between the actors (they had an affair before filming this movie). On paper, Han comes across as not only a jerk but, quite frankly, kind of a creep. He gets a pass though, cause he looks like Harrison Ford… And if you wanna try to tell me that Leia’s feelings for Han weren’t as superficial as I’m making it sound, then let me ask you this: Why did she kiss Luke on the lips again near the end of the movie, after Han was frozen? Yes, she kisses him when he’s lying down inside the Falcon, after being rescued from his ass-beating by Vader. It happens really fast. If you literally blink, you miss it, but it’s there. It’s almost as if Leia is thinking “Oh, my cool, tough, real boyfriend is gone at the moment, but you’ll do for now, side guy!” I get that the Han and Leia romance is supposed to be very “old Hollywood” (and “old romance” in general), but after how progressive and self-sufficient Leia seemed in the last movie, it’s still kind of a shame to see her portrayed this way now. A more “balanced” romance of some kind could’ve worked, me thinks.

I’ll say this much for Empire, though; I love pretty much everything involving Luke and Yoda on Dagobah, except for the fact that he says “Jedi don’t crave adventure and excitement.” Isn’t this franchise supposed to be all about adventure and excitement? And aren’t the Jedi the characters whose eyes we usually see this whole universe through? Starting to see the disconnect? The whole complaint about the Jedi being too stoic is another thing that starts with Empire, but again, nobody wants to admit that.

Speaking of Dagobah, it’s also a little weird how Luke goes from being tubby and having thin arms in the capsule on Hoth to suddenly being lean and having toned muscles here on Dagobah. It implies that Luke has been training with Yoda for months, but his story is supposed to be taking place at the same time as Han & Leia’s, which as far as we know only happens over the course of a few hours, or days at most. The fact that the two different storylines are constantly cutting back and forth between one another throughout the movie makes this pacing issue even more jarring. Funny enough, The Last Jedi has this exact same problem. Maybe time runs differently on different planets? Or different parts of space?…

And, just like with almost all of these movies, I still love the “technical” aspects of Empire. It has my favorite music of the entire film series, by far! The cinematography is practically timeless. The acting is top-notch (given the material the actors all had to work with). Plenty of memorable quotes (courtesy of Larry Kasdan). And so on…

I still have a few more loose thoughts jotted down for this subject that I want to get out there, so I’ll try my best to wrap this all up next time.

Peace!

Click here for Part 4.